didnt want to post. but..
" be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" joshua 1: 9
you said for you. i will. you'll be my motivation. cause of everything you've done for me.
third time spraining my ankle due to basketball from march till now. and cause of me, my girls couldnt continue playing. a full team, yet cause of me, we had to stop =(.
okay. im totally screwed up. beyond measures. and quoting my mum, all i can do is to depend and lean on God. thats about the only thing i can do. the week hadn't been good with results coming in, breaking and tearing my heart bit by bit. i'm at the rock bottom now. and i cant go any further down. i dont really wanna touch on this topic now.
on a lighter note, i see people who really care. the 3 guys who sit around me, trying to help me see where went wrong, comforting me when i cried, treating me to ice cream, telling me to study hard and not give up, patting me when i needed, asking if im alright and offering to help me. at the end of the day, it's still them who makes me smile, comfort me and put me on the right track once again. i dont care what others say about me mixing with you guys, but i know i didnt make a wrong choice.
in addition, i may have overcome some crap stuff about basketball no one knows it exist. the first thing i wanted to do after all the shit, was to play ball. and yes, i did. it just took away all my pain, turned me into a kid and enjoyed the game. thanks, definitely my basketball girls who accompanied me every time i needed someone. seeing me eat, shopping with me for tidbits, just being there and sharing with me. man, i love the team to bits.
i need to pick myself up. starting from.. next week. i will, i must.
at least i have something to be thankful and happy about. =)
its my mentality.. i gotta conquer it.
11:10 PM
one word to express how i feel about the past three days: SPLENDID.
with the people i love, who makes me smile and laugh heartedly.
sorry, i know i disappointed you, time and time again. the faith you had in me, crushed slowly.. i dont know why i actually am so bothered by how you feel. perhaps it's cause you trusted me and i respect you greatly. in times where i hurt the most, you were there to support me in everything i needed and did to lead. you saw my flaws and taught me how to grow. i dont really know what im thinking now, nor do i know why i've changed so much. from the good little girl in primary school, to the rebellious one with disciplinary problems. i've no idea what changed me. but nevertheless, thanks for the wonderful year and your prayers. for without them, i wont be called "captain" and i would have felt more unbearable. thanks for handing the bunch of girls to me, in my hands. its because of you, i have them. sorry for not being able to meet up to your expectations. sorry..
at the rate im going, im really afraid i'd lose this group of people who is so dear to me, that no words can express. i really hope nothing will change while i go forward for my A's. i dont want friendships strained, and definitely not the relationship with the person that love us. i know it's important. the three Holy, which includes Holy community. i need them.
I will serve the Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength
I will love You Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
And with all my strength
I will love You
I will praise You
I will serve You, Lord
I will trust You, Lord
i stand tallest on my knees, in front of you.
actually, i feel so carefree, with no worries, no burdens. but then again. i'm in a situation that is totally the opposite.
sense of jubilation, for perhaps just three days or less. definitely, had some fair share of fun and there's more to come, i guess. sakae sushi-ing with my dear girls, going crazy together, talking and laughing damn loudly, discussing about dramas and creating a din in the movie store, sitting around malls and getting chased away by security, like usual, on friday. durian-ed in malaysia today and shopped. came back and bumped into bethel youth. met rachael after damn freaking long and joined them for young adults. i guess it's a sense of belonging that is still deep in me. the friendships since young, attending sunday school together, exploring church together, climbing over the fence in the canteen, lying at the playground watching stars.. so much so much fond memories, but i chose to put it all down. and instantly, we talked and talked. perhaps i would go back with her biweekly for young adults session. maybe.. maybe not.. gonna go out with the scholars for dinner tomorrow. great=)
8:40 PM
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For God so love the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have enternal life. John 3:16
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