Lord, grant me the right attitude towards my examination,
that even when I study, I want to glorify Your name.
Give me the strength that I may press on,
perseverance that I may endure,
good health that I may study effectively.
Help me to be single-minded when I study,
remove all other thoughts, distractions and anxieties.
Give me the power to concentrate,
the ability to understand and to remember.
Show me the way to study intelligently,
to know what is important and what is not.
Provide me Lord with quality time in my studies,
remove all tensions and fears within me.
Fill me with Thy confidence,
teach me to draw strength from You each day.
Let me learn to trust You in such times.
In the examination hall, be with me Lord.
Grant me the clarity and sharpness of thought.
Let me not get distracted by things around me.
Give me concentration and calmness Lord.
Help me to gather my thoughts of what I’ve learnt.
Grant me the discipline
to space out time equally on all questions.
Most of all, help me to complete the questions on time.
Despite examination Lord, continue to grant me
quality time with You, let me not neglect You.
Give me a balanced diet between my studies
and my service for You.
I just want to commit the whole examination
into Your hands,
Knowing that You are a God who cares and answers
THANK YOU! In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and Saviour, AMEN
tired + knee hurts + exams = cranky me.
one thing that made me feel contented in my 1 year of service in church as the vice president is the population now. despite seeing a drop half way, God grant us new people. in the past 2 - 3 months, there has been at least 6-8 new comers, of which at least 4 stayed. Hallelujah.
was msging est today.. and realised, it's been long since we had a heart to heart talk. it dawned on me that i havent had any heart to heart talks with any one for long.. i'm so so preoccupied with so many things, so much till i may be losing touch with myself soon. my friend asked me recently " how are all your friends you used to be closed to?" and i replied. " i'm close to none already. too busy, no time." and now i feel so guilty for that. my life seems to revolve round studies and studies only. sigggggggggh.
it's been ages since i'm home at this timing on a training day.
nevertheless, felt good the whole day upon hearing the voice of people whom i havent heard for months, seen for months. though it was just 30 seconds, it made me think of you the whole day. many birthdays these two days. 3 people yesterday and 2 today. hope jo was touched by our surprise yesterday along with boon jing. any way, think im seriously sleep deprived. i have never seen myself sleeping for the whole lecture and it happens every single day now. i really wonder why am i that tired.. feeling the stress now especially since tests are round the corner and there're still things i have yet memorised and unsure of. homework starts piling up, with remedial eating into my training time, causing our whole training schedule to screw up. a divisions are in 6 weeks and my knee is getting from bad to worse. it hurts every single morning. yes, that bad. sigh. tired.. but, im not even at my peak yet. gotta stay strong, gotta hold on. =D
weekends are here. but.. this week end, is filled not only with homework, but with visitations as well. any way, didnt play well for this week at all =(. like all my skills have gone back to zero. knees are still aching and taping seems to be ineffective already. sigh.. broke down during chem today in front of ms ma. it's been long since i cried. and yet i did so today. oh well.. hope the weekend would go fine for me =/.
11:10 PM
school resumes tomorrow, after 4 long days of break of which i now start to dread. if only the break was longer..
chinese new year made me realise something. jc/poly people seems to be the only more stressed out people ( exclude uni) compared to kids, NS men, working adults. it's kind of ironic because shouldn't it be the older we get, the busier we ought to be? after numerous amount of visits which has become some sort of routine, i was the only one who needs to rush home. why? to study because of the huge pile of work teachers give. it makes me wonder. are they teaching malay/ indian students or have they forgotten that we need to celebrate chinese new year too? weekends after weekends, i see my brother - the NS men, coming back so cheery, so carefree, enjoying his saturdays and sundays, being able to do whatever he wants. may it be playing computer games, watching tv, going out till late or merely just staying home to read. unlike him, i have to stick my head in books, flipping newspapers to find articles, doing tutorials till late at night, not being able to rest one bit. same goes for the working adult- mum. she comes home, having no homework to do, except probably the house work. apart from that, she doesn't need to sit in her swirl chair for hours and hours, vigorously writing away, cracking her brain so much so it's going to explode. whats more, retired people - dad. he has the most time in the world, getting busy with volunteer services at community centers, visiting old folks and doing what he likes like playing golf, going to the gym daily or swimming. ignoring the fact that kids get to so innocently play and not worry about their results so much, isn't it true that jc/ poly kids are far worst off than any one? constantly having to bear in mind the mountain of never ending work load, the tests coming up, and worst, the monsterous A levels in 200 odd days. it has come to a point, whereby looking at them, makes me jealous, making me question myself as to why i'm still suffering unlike them. but then again, my time will come soon.
i seems to not be able to stand people much nowadays. especially those around me. i wonder why. sometimes, i think that they're so fake and that words comes out merely either to attract attention or for their own advantage. nothing of them is real and everything is done with a selfish, self-centered reason. the more i think about how people compare with others, the more it peeves me. so much so for the "others have help, i don't" or the stupid questions asked without crossing brains. or wanting to follow others but is not able to do so. at times, i wonder why people are poor. exclude the fact that the family income isn't that high, but what about expenditure wise? my dad once told me, in order to be rich, one must save. and i think i can gladly attribute the reason why we're in this state today, is because he saves. we save. not scrimp though. i'm not boasting about how rich we are because we are not, but i know the necessity not to spend money on luxury goods when not needed. branded clothes compared to cheap ones. whats the difference? the brand. nothing else. apart from foot wear and school bags, there isn't a necessity to get branded stuff. yes, i did want branded things like watch, wallet, clothes and all when i was younger. but now, i know there isn't a need. money can be better spent elsewhere for greater enjoyment, greater pleasure. so, why bother spending on Gucci, Prada, or what so ever? nothing is gotten in return EXCEPT for perhaps attention, of which i clearly do not need. i dont know why i've deviated so much from my initial statement about friends. perhaps it's cause every little thing irritates me nowadays. bad sign eh.
i use to not like the fact of certain people talking to me so often. but now, i can say, i miss them.. people who use to send me good morning msges everyday, talk to me everyday, meet everyday, are slowly disappearing from my life. it's my problem, their problem, or the society's problem? sometimes, i wonder if our friendship ever mattered or mean a thing. sometimes, i blame our busy schedules or myself for not treasuring the time and not making any effort. but.. why is the situation getting more and more prevelant today? that, i have not had an answer. perhaps it's my problem after all - ill discipline, lousy time management, EQ of zero, not thoughtful at all.
with this, school resumes in a couple of hours.. at least i manage to have a good rest.
i hope on sunday, miracles would happen. with that, God bless.
p.s. the above isn't referring to any one and in any case, if you'd like to object as to what i say, go ahead. we live in a democratic society, mind you.
after 18 years of reunion dinner,
today,
is the first time,
without my aunt,
with mum and dad preparing it fully
and, without a maid.
not that the maid part does matter, but while eating, i had a weird feeling. like something, someone, was missing. and i clearly knew that it was aunt ( maybe a little of having a maid?). i remembered how much i thought she was troublesome, in the way and everything. but i start to miss her. i start to miss her presence, i start to miss how she'd send me to the bus stop everyday, i start to miss her creeping into my room every night. i start to miss her keeping food for me, i start to miss how i'd complain to her about stuff. i start to miss her encouragements and i start to miss saying hello to her every time i step into the house. most importantly, i miss her, herself, her being. there're so many regrets, that i dare not think. regret not taking a photo with her when uncle offered, regret not visiting her before her death due to mid years, regret not giving her more to eat, regret not spreading the gospel to her, regret not treating her better, regret not thanking her, regret not spending more time with her. there are so much so much more. as the saying goes " we only learn to treasure after losing it" and i cant agree more with the statement. oh well.. all i can do now is to study hard and do her proud like how she has always wanted me to. and, i will.
on a lighter note, today is the FIRST day since school started that i can wake up as late as i want, sleeping to my heart's contend. when i was younger, i used to think staying at home is such a bore. but now, staying at home is like a rare opportunity i won't want to miss. studies still have to go on despite the festive season, that, i know. but, the thought of being able to stay home, with my whole family, is sufficient for me even if my head is stuck in my books. perhaps it'd be even better if aunt was around still..
last but not least, happy chinese new year and happy valentine's day. =D
happy day today =D
received loads of chocolates and sweets from people. =DD
basketball girls made me smile, giving me a sense of unity i never had before. perhaps it's cause we've been through all kinds of shit and rubbish together, making us stronger as one, knowing each other better. =D
co9 made me smile too. =D
thank God for them. cause without them, guess my life would be so empty. cliche eh.
i cant wait for all the photos taken today..
cny =D
edit.
i realised i've alot of christian teachers around, which is a good sign after all =). they use the teachings of Jesus, the basics of Christianity to teach me how to overcome obstacles, how to battle against evil just when i really need it. it's indeed a wonder how God works..
guess i played well today =D
10:22 PM
blogging at the weirdest time of all, 3.16am.
wonder why i'm awake? cause i slept at 8pm and woke up at 12am due to my unfinished stack of work.
things have been going quite well ( cause there isn't much tests YET or at least i haven't got the results for those which i've took.) new batch of j1s came for basketball, of which a few of them impressed me despite not having any experience at all. met up with zhclique to celebrate shaohan's birthday on saturday and had a great time with them, ice-creaming like usual. went to watch a basketball match with chongyang, slingers versus indonesia, of which slingers lost by a few points. some pretty good shots but the referee was quite bias. number 21 wasted a few good opportunities by not shooting and towards the end, we all knew there isn't a possibility of a turn over. but, nice match indeed. at least they weren't thrashed like their second match. =D
chinese new year is coming. cant wait =D.
someone told me. what's great in human is humility. and Jesus had it. so when being humiliated by people, just remember how Jesus went through, being humiliated on the cross by so many people. and He did so much so much more for us. hallelujah. Jesus, pioneer of humility. =DD
有时痛得很, 有时看到，想到便会笑。
一次的失败，但我会再来一次，直到你与主永永远远.
玩够了，休息够了。该开始拼了。加油吧! cause we're in this shit together..
2 more months girls, we'll hang on together alright? =D
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For God so love the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have enternal life. John 3:16
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