' running a never ending road______

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

school resumes tomorrow, after 4 long days of break of which i now start to dread. if only the break was longer..
chinese new year made me realise something. jc/poly people seems to be the only more stressed out people ( exclude uni) compared to kids, NS men, working adults. it's kind of ironic because shouldn't it be the older we get, the busier we ought to be? after numerous amount of visits which has become some sort of routine, i was the only one who needs to rush home. why? to study because of the huge pile of work teachers give. it makes me wonder. are they teaching malay/ indian students or have they forgotten that we need to celebrate chinese new year too? weekends after weekends, i see my brother - the NS men, coming back so cheery, so carefree, enjoying his saturdays and sundays, being able to do whatever he wants. may it be playing computer games, watching tv, going out till late or merely just staying home to read. unlike him, i have to stick my head in books, flipping newspapers to find articles, doing tutorials till late at night, not being able to rest one bit. same goes for the working adult- mum. she comes home, having no homework to do, except probably the house work. apart from that, she doesn't need to sit in her swirl chair for hours and hours, vigorously writing away, cracking her brain so much so it's going to explode. whats more, retired people - dad. he has the most time in the world, getting busy with volunteer services at community centers, visiting old folks and doing what he likes like playing golf, going to the gym daily or swimming. ignoring the fact that kids get to so innocently play and not worry about their results so much, isn't it true that jc/ poly kids are far worst off than any one? constantly having to bear in mind the mountain of never ending work load, the tests coming up, and worst, the monsterous A levels in 200 odd days. it has come to a point, whereby looking at them, makes me jealous, making me question myself as to why i'm still suffering unlike them. but then again, my time will come soon.

i seems to not be able to stand people much nowadays. especially those around me. i wonder why. sometimes, i think that they're so fake and that words comes out merely either to attract attention or for their own advantage. nothing of them is real and everything is done with a selfish, self-centered reason. the more i think about how people compare with others, the more it peeves me. so much so for the "others have help, i don't" or the stupid questions asked without crossing brains. or wanting to follow others but is not able to do so. at times, i wonder why people are poor. exclude the fact that the family income isn't that high, but what about expenditure wise? my dad once told me, in order to be rich, one must save. and i think i can gladly attribute the reason why we're in this state today, is because he saves. we save. not scrimp though. i'm not boasting about how rich we are because we are not, but i know the necessity not to spend money on luxury goods when not needed. branded clothes compared to cheap ones. whats the difference? the brand. nothing else. apart from foot wear and school bags, there isn't a necessity to get branded stuff. yes, i did want branded things like watch, wallet, clothes and all when i was younger. but now, i know there isn't a need. money can be better spent elsewhere for greater enjoyment, greater pleasure. so, why bother spending on Gucci, Prada, or what so ever? nothing is gotten in return EXCEPT for perhaps attention, of which i clearly do not need. i dont know why i've deviated so much from my initial statement about friends. perhaps it's cause every little thing irritates me nowadays. bad sign eh.

i use to not like the fact of certain people talking to me so often. but now, i can say, i miss them.. people who use to send me good morning msges everyday, talk to me everyday, meet everyday, are slowly disappearing from my life. it's my problem, their problem, or the society's problem? sometimes, i wonder if our friendship ever mattered or mean a thing. sometimes, i blame our busy schedules or myself for not treasuring the time and not making any effort. but.. why is the situation getting more and more prevelant today? that, i have not had an answer. perhaps it's my problem after all - ill discipline, lousy time management, EQ of zero, not thoughtful at all.

with this, school resumes in a couple of hours.. at least i manage to have a good rest.

i hope on sunday, miracles would happen. with that, God bless.

p.s. the above isn't referring to any one and in any case, if you'd like to object as to what i say, go ahead. we live in a democratic society, mind you.

11:23 PM

died__