never ending road______

Sunday, December 27, 2009

people often tell me..
it's not this way, it's not this way..
but. they often don't tell me how then should i do it, how then it ought to be done.
if so.. how will i even know how to do it?

feel as though i haven't been spending time with my friends, friends whom i really love a lot. i'm always rushing off half way every sunday, unable to make it for gatherings like prawning or swimming or even the bbq. even for camp, i had to go late and leave early. and it's been long since i really really spent time together with them this year.. next year's gonna be worst. but i know i need to make time for fellowship cause it's important. oh well, oh well. sigh.

no one knows the other, true side of you, amidst all your busy attention grabbing of girls. i have been seeing more and more things about you. HA. you wont go far boy, trust me.

the consequences of lousy results.
- give up whatever i like doing.
- getting nagged at every single time i go out.
- losing some trust parents used to have.
- unable to spend time with friends.
- getting very very stressed.
- straining friendships.

8:06 PM

died__

Friday, December 25, 2009

BLESSED CHRISTMAS everyone! =DD

went out with daryl like FINALLY after so long yesterday for lunch and just roam around orchard. met gerard, which was pretty random. decided to talk to him and we were both coincidentally going to town. so yeap. at least managed to catch up with him before he returns to school. both daryl and gerard. walked with daryl from orchard to somerset to dhoby ghuat to little india cause i insisted and being nice, he accompanied me to church.=X afternoon with him was awesome, going to borders to read random books like 150 things a man should know and stuff. followed by carolling with church. first stop was sophia foodmall and the girls were cam whoring half way ><. second was gao mama. and she almost made me tear. goodness. the way she smiled so so widely when we sang the carols, taking the effort to hug all of us.. it really made me want to tear. my heart was so so warmed by her. thank God for blessing her so abundantly up till now! followed by a few more houses and count down. we got super high towards the end ( facebook for videos.) to sum up, christmas eve was totally f.u.n. =D.

service today plus choir. screwed up a little cause the songs were quite tough to sing. ah well. after service, started giving cards and recieved quite a number this year as well. =) the anshao room knob was spoilt and there were people inside! pretty scary for a moment. eventually, they got out from another door. aaaah. scary. thank God there was another door. lunched with family and home. pretty tired cause slept quite little, thus rejected mum for grocery shopping.

i see us a one in christ body now. but when the new year starts.. are we all going to come together, being so bonded or are we gonna be separated like the previous years? we really need to bring more and more people to christ because we do not have enough time. but we, ourselves must be filled with the Holy Spirit, work together as a youth group, not any youth group, but a christian youth group. we are all filled with the Holy Spirit now. we are all renewed. but can we make it last? can our fire for God continue burning and burning like now? can we? it's between each individual and God. i know it's going to be a challenge for me as well as the A level year unfolds. but, i know we have to keep encouraging each other, to continue to keep the fire burning, to continue that desperate want to seek for God. and i really hope, those who used to be so so devoted to God, to come back, come back to Him. He is waiting with open arms, always. Go back to Him, no matter who we are today, or what our past was. we just need to go back to God, cause He is all we ever ever need. God, may you bless anshao. <3, many many.
( no personal attack here.)
furthermore, we can be christians openly. compared to so much more people out there, in other countries, getting killed for being christians. lets not talk about countries far far away, but take singapore. i have friends, around us, that cant be christians openly because of their parents. shouldn't we treasure this faith EVEN MORE? shouldn't we stop taking for granted all these good good opportunities? shouldn't we go back to God because we CAN unlike others? shouldn't we..? there's alot, alot to reflect about.. alot. It's not easy being christians, but WE ARE. only WE can change. if we christians dont do it, WHO will? can we make more effort for God? can we come to church promptly? can we worship him out loud? can we give him our time? i think if God can give His son for us, why cant we give Him back a little..? just a little? these has been going on in my mind for quite a while.. i guess i'm part of it too.

There're still some friends, whom i still wish to continue being in contact with. and to those i recently contacted after so long, i hope that we'd still keep in contact.. like seriously, in contact.

sometimes, i feel as though i'm always the one taking initiative, in everything..
sometimes, i feel people are being so bei1 dong.
sometimes, i feel like giving up everything, everyone.
sometimes, i feel that i've made a big big mistake in things i do.
sometimes, i feel that whatever i've done is wrong.
sometimes, i feel that i've disappointed many people.
sometimes, i feel that everything is against me - people, things.
sometimes, i feel that the world should end at this point of time.
sometimes, i feel that i am the biggest loser on earth - studies, life, everything.
but Jesus came, for me, for you, for us. =D

i bet everyone feels like that at times though..

80% of what we worry does not happen, 12% of what we worry has passed, only 8% of what we worry is worth worrying about.

today is a joyous day. so i should be happy and joyful =D.

and, the things people around me do, really motivates me. no matter where, home, church, basketball, school. really glad for them. =) i'll post more about them in the subsequent post cause without them, i wont even get through this year..

kaiwen, you freaking need to study. stop going out.

ASHER BOOK - Try
If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

listen to the song. superb.

random. i think ah neh looks good today. HAHA!
and the girls were dressed up =)

2:05 PM

died__

Monday, December 21, 2009

he made me smile. wonderful God, who changed him. the fire in him burns, burns, burns. i'm so so so so happy for him now. going out to ask people to come back to God, learning so much about the bible, asking questions to clarify his doubts, most importantly, coming back to God. amazing how God really works.=D

com's back. hope i'd have some discipline to do my work.

i miss talking to people i used to talk to. from sec 1 till now. those i've been close to, those i used to spend alot of time with. was talking to one today, and, i really miss him. really miss them. it's such a pity we dont talk now despite talking so much then. why, why do people leave? i realised so many of them left me.. and yet i did nothing to get them back. perhaps it's time i salvage some of these friendships. platonic friendships which i still cherish alot, alot no matter how long ago it was. oh well.

10:17 PM

died__

Sunday, December 20, 2009

first friendly match without the j2s on friday. lost the match. but felt really good. saw my girls ran, saw my girls bear the pain, saw my girls not giving up, saw my girls fighting hard for the ball, saw my girls building the spirit, saw my girls playing their best in the match. what more can i say? nothing, cause i knew they did their very best. i believe we will grow, grow to play better together as a team. we saw our weaknesses, we saw our strength, and we now know where and how to work, so that we will work towards our goal - A divisions. i know we will eventually be able to reach to our aim, our goal if we continue working hard. the journey ahead will be tough. but together, we will make it, i'm sure. =) <3 you girls.

looking at this group of youths, i know there is great potential for them to grow, grow in the way God wants us to, grow spiritually. it dawned upon me the necessity to catch hold this group of wonderful youths, to serve God, to be of service to Him. here is also a necessity for the young adults to grow. my term may soon be coming to an end, but before i pass it on, i hope to be able to save back a few more people and help the young adults and youths to grow through the last 3 months of programs and hopefully, the setting up of a new group if God wants it. may God grant me the ability and wisdom to help Anshao grow and multiply.

i need to start practising piano.

Jesus is the reason for this season. =D.

after seeing and going through so much, i totally agree that God will provide for our future eventually xD.

11:37 PM

died__

Saturday, December 19, 2009

camp was really really good.
renewed my faith.
do you know that our body is only worth SIX dollars?
and yet God paid a huge price for us.
because it's our spirit that costs.
amazing? yes.
in our lives, our service to God, if there is no obstacles, no risks involved, there wont be something called faith. so true. =)
i'll start doing more quiet time because i now know how great the necessity. =)

have been seeing another side of people, all over. makes me wonder.. why, why are people like that? why do they have two sides? but then again, i think everyone has. so what more do i have to say? it's just a matter of how much. people close to me, yet i managed to see two different sides of them through events, through activities, through people. how hurtful it was. totally stabbed me. the worst part is pulling the knife out after stabbing. ouchhh. oh well oh well.

i think that talk we had was really an eye opener. to hear and know about people. but i wasn't surprise for certain things, although i wish he wasn't like this and that he would care more about the people he bother getting close to. but as i said, he's nice, so don't strain the friendship now that i've already lost mine with him. dont let the impression, the one you had initially, about him change.

i think i'm happier now. at least i dont spend all my time on one particular person, but spread out with my friends. busy week ahead, with many church activities. so much so that my friend thinks i go to church everyday. church camp, followed by bu dao hui today, service tomorrow, thursday carolling, friday service and sunday church again. hahaha.

had bbq last sunday, thursday, tomorrow and next sunday. that's why i'm getting so fat =XX. but i love bbqs still. =)

do you feel insecure yourself thats why to change the number of friends? if not, why the huge number of friends you picked up and then dump them again?

arranging a time to meet daryl always seems so tough. rahhhhh. LOL.

1:06 PM

died__

Monday, December 14, 2009

one day before church camp,
two days after landing.

fever's over,
but having stomach upset.

went to grow crystals today.
yongkhang is a big joker.
3 filter funnels to 1 beaker. ><
then went to island creamery ( =D) for ice cream with yy,yh,xh.
followed by going back to school for lunch with basketball girls at pizza hut.
cut my hair ( fringe is freaking short and jo, yes, theres a BIG BIG difference. =) )
went to plaza to meet bel, sh, lecia, hy for dinner.
on the way home, met von and her friends. unglamed and she saw. LOL!
met some zh friends on the train and home sweet home.
mad rush. heh. but, i dont mind before i get downright busy having to mug my ass out and basketball.

having no aikido feels w.i.e.r.d.

church camp awaits me. =)

daryl made me laugh like crap and i'm always so dumb to believe him.
daryl foo,
stop lying to me knowing that i'll fall for ittttttttttttttt.
enjoy your last week of school and see you soon. =).

10:19 PM

died__

today's sermons touched me like nobody's business.
wake up call again, i guess.

主爱解千愁
为何忧愁呢?
怎能不忧愁呢?
彼得前書 5:7
你们要将一切的忧虑卸给神，因为他顾念你们。 =)

bible study taught me one very very important thing.
that.
nobody's love on earth is whole and perfect.
thats why we need God's love.
that was what i needed to hear,
which made me feel secure all over again. =)

i'm fine,
i guess. =).

12:23 AM

died__

Saturday, December 12, 2009

back.
but,
having fever.
rahhh. had to cancel some appointments.=/

everything's so screwed up.
sigh.

i said i would get over and move on after im back.
now i know, i really must.

12:10 PM

died__

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

maybe no one will miss me at all..
so i should just go enjoy myself,
forget all the sorrows and miseries,
and come back as though nothing happened.

7:46 AM

died__

talking about it,
makes me miss it even more.

flying in a few hours. =/.
after that,
i'll pick up from where i left off,
start a new for some things,
cause i know i can.

1:00 AM

died__

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

i was forced to fall into it,
and now out of it.

11:36 PM

died__

cant you just tell me the reason why things are like this now?

5:47 PM

died__

profile
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For God so love the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but shall have enternal life. John 3:16
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likes
my bed
my computer
my friends
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family
Aikido
God

dislikes
parting.

wants
stop being a jack ass
closer to God
mature
excel in art and sports
find something i really love doing.

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