' running a never ending road______

Saturday, October 14, 2006

yo. bit by bit. i get more and more tired. more and more restless. Trust in God. yes, i know. confused, as each day passes. borred with nothing to do. friends, i have many, but little i dare go up to them. as i get through life, day by day, spending all my time uselessly, it really makes me wonder if i should go to the old folks home and help out. not for any thing, not for cip nor any thing else. often, i wake up in the morning. thinking of the same thing. which makes me sad, depressed, stressed up. i have given myself almost a one year break. maybe i should go on. each night, sleeping 7 hours, i feel as though im something like a soldier, preparing to go for war. tiring myself out, by going to the gym when i can. burning 350 calories each time i visit the gym. doing weights till my veins pops out. feeling weird at times. part of life, i guess. i used to have this wall. this huge huge wall. that helped me through. i thought i once again had the wall. many this time. but slowly, i realised, i was deciving myself to make me feel better. almost none, would understand what im saying. but, im simply sick of every thing. "so sick of love songs, so tired of tears." its been a long long time, since i smiled so broadly, my brother. the one, who gave me joy today. yes, my brother. the one and only wall i have through my whole life. crapping through the whole bus ride home. again and again. he warned me. many things that are bad for me. he merely wanted to protect me. how nice is that. sigh. 2 more years and he will be in the army. in addition, my group of friends will be in the army too. how bad can that get? one after another, every one is leaving. the thing im afraid is seeing darkness. soon, im going to see it. in my outside world. i thank God for my family. my wonderful family. that is there for me, all the time. Seek refuge in God. " come to me all those who are weary. and i will give you rest." this verse keeps coming to my mind. go to God, yes. go to him. i find myself straying away. from every one. every thing. life have changed. i have changed too.

any way, im thinking of getting a job for december holidays or going to help in the old folks home. christian one, i prefer. though i will be going overseas in november to europe and december to laos and bangkok, the rest of the days, im going to be bored to death. two art competitions coming up. one is can craft, representing zhonghua and leading a team, the other is anti drugs. i need cans. loads of them. so any one, can you help me collect cans? contact me if you need. those who have my hp, can call me or drop me a msg. the others can leave a tag. so yup. thats all. God bless.

i still dont sense you at all. i walk alone dont i?

7:53 PM

died__