' running a never ending road______

Monday, August 28, 2006

so yeah. im here caused im asked to post and since i agreed to post. well. so lets start from saturday. saturday, there was no art lessons. so left home for tuition at around 3.30 cause me and mum overslept. so 133 came along. and me and kor ran after the bus. i ran across the road very dangerously. the next thing i know, me and kor saw ma outside fu lu shou waiting for us. 147 have came and reached much faster then us. damit. so had tuition and every thing went fine. finally ying yian is there to company me again after two weeks. was the last one to finish writing my composition. and well, the composition was about saturated fats. about how bad saturated fats is and what it can caused us and stuff. in conclusion, too much saturated fats isnt good. yeah. so wrote till about 6pm. pro-ness. always last to write finish. hahaha. cause i write good compositions. seriously, i have been like improving for my chinese. i finally pass my chinese common test after a long long while. yay. and i have been getting A for jiang homework and A1 for compsitions recently. hahaha. then met kor and chi jiang and ma outside. went to have dinner together and i ate fish slice hor fun. i am like so suprise that i cant even finish a plate again. went up to buy walnuts and haha. bought the sour things that i like to eat again. went to ABC shop and got a new pair of slippers since my last one broke. so linger around bugis for a while before heading home. 133 is packed so packed till we had no seats even though we walked one stop up. we usually walk one stop up just to get seats. so went home and yeah yeah yeah. sunday, i went to church followed by youth. i was so taken by that he sat behind me during sermons. i was like wah. so i didnt really turn back. any way. went for youth after that. oh yeah. people are complaining that i am growing thinner and thinner and its not good for me. lol. but i like leh. ahaha. so youth was by revend lau on popular chinese religions. was rather nice and meaningful. so left after that. went home and ate lunch. chicken rice. home made chicken rice is much healthier then outside. so left for this tamil church- my saviour's church. it was held in st magret- st joseph church at dover. left at 1. 30 pm and we reached at around 2. 30. was flooded with a pool of indians. me and ma were one of the only chinese there. and they praise the Lord in a very very extremely different way from us. unlike us, they keep saying hallelujah and praise the Lord. so yeah. was there for the healing rally. was prayed for and yeah. i believe God will heal me, praise the Lord. the healing have started. =) any way. so they were sining tamil songs which was those upbeat kind unlike bethel. was a nice experience. well. i got a few points from the sermons. firstly, humble yourself before the Lord. secondly, ask and you will be given. yup. was rather interesting and easy to comprehend compared to my own church. so it started at 3pm and ended at 6pm. so left and reached home at around 7. 20 pm. was damn tired. studied history last night and realised i havent do my homework at like 11pm. so i went to pia till like 11. 45 pm. so slept after chatting for a while. through the night, i realised i was shivering. i was so cold that i kept covering my self with my blanket. i went to the toilet twice. my whole body was hot. i knew, i was having fever. deciding whether to go to school or not, i decided to go. i didnt tell ma nor pa about me. but simply just the maid. pa had to go for his blood check up so ma went with him.they left at like 7am. only then, i just fell onto the sofa. i pulled myself up to go get medicine- panadol from the box. walking real slowly, i wore my skirt and started preparing to go to school. i didnt know how sick i was then. but i just know im running a fever. my throat was no better. struggling to get to class, i laid down once i reached my desk. cai was there to comfort me, accomapny me to go get my books, keep asking me to go home and yeah. was told that ying had 6 days mc from physical training due to her back. any way. ade came and she too comfort me. i guess i looksed real sick. suprisingly, i didnt vomit at all. i lasted through the whole flag rasing, almost preparing to faint. oh well. so i went back to class. had literature and recieved our report. its like. we just pass by half a mark. sigh. sorry rtn. any way. had pe after that. felt better. was on panadol though. deng lao shi didnt come so could rest for hcl. english i was sleeping through till even ms lim came to question me. i was like. sigh. and she asked cai to take care of me. cai did lar. but i didnt really have the energy to speak. so yeah. then ms lim said something that made me laugh. she said im cute. i was like. HUH??! lol. recess ate chicken rice. ate panadol again. was sleeping thorugh History and suprisingly, ms fu didnt really care. we finish our work le ma. then after that maths came and yay. i get A1 for maths test. i was totally careless, only getting 5 marks for travel graph. luckily, my curve graph pulled me up. thanks mum for teaching me =). so asesthetic was okay. did stupid things. and the teacher asked if im a swimmer. cause she was asking us to breathe in and out and she feel our daphram ( dunno how to spell). so i said used to but now lesser. then had lunch and went for history test. luckily i studied last night if not i wont be able to do so well. yay. think i will pass. but source base was sucky. yeah. almost couldnt finish. any way. after that i went back home. was sick so couldnt go for cca. but. well. i wanted to go see doctor. but all were close. i decided to go play basketball, which caused me to be full of guilty conscience especially after mum talking to me. mum, i know its wrong of me, against my principals and every thing. this is just totally my fault. no others to blame. its just me, me and me. dont pull others into the picture. i do every thing in my own accord. i know i have disappointed you alot alot. i know that you didnt know i would become like this. mum, i know that you are just too devasated by what i do. but mum, can you look at the other side of the picture? the side where i see if from. my studies didnt drop. abit maybe. you say you dont care what i do if my studies are okay. and yet i still can cope with my studies. yes, i know how to differ right from wrong. but again, i do want to have fun at times. you are tying me too tight. too tight till its time i start to rebel. may i ask just one thing from you. although i know you will not grant me. mum, let me play. play till my heart content. i promise you i wont wander astray. i promise you my studies wont suffer. i promise you i do every thing according to principals. i know its careless of me. i know. mum, i know you scold me all for my own good, because you care about me. you want to teach me right and wrong. you want me to grow up knowing what is right and wrong. you want me to be successful in future. this, i all know. im tired. seriously tired. you ask me why am i so exceptionally good, not telling you i have fever and every thing. cause. i do think about you. i asked you for the time pa's appointment was. cause if there was any thing, i will only call you after that time. i went to school. cause i didnt want you to worry. i didnt tell you. cause i think its time for me to rely on myself. i cant keep relying on you. you have done sufficient things for me. its time i take care of myself. i didnt call you although i was seriously sick in school cause i dont want you to rush down from supreme court all the way just to tend to me. i know you have medical checkup. i didnt want to disturb you. thinking that i can go see doctor myself, so you dont need to worry about me. but, the temptation was there. my friends reminded me again and again not to play. but still, i refused. barely three months ago, you slogged for me when i was sick. you did every thing for me, sacrifising your sleep. it hurts me to see you like that. this is why i made the decision. i know you wont read it. but, if you do, i hereby sincerely apologise. i have my limits. any way, thats all for today. i seldom post so often, so yeah. =) God bless. thanks to those who took care of me, asked me to not play, asked how was my leg and every thing. =) thanks.

7:35 PM

died__