' running a never ending road______

Sunday, May 21, 2006

i longed knew that posting on blogs, others would read. but whats the point if you post and no one read? it defeats the prupose. i predicted that the outcome would happen. pleasant or not. i dont know. i wanted us to imporve our friendship. and now that our friendship is improved after clearing things up, i hope ALL of our friendships would be stronger. no one knew the actual reason for every thing. i said i studied. you believe? no. you dont. my friend once told me. i see you talk to your friends, after all the friendship isnt that strong. there is this saying which goes like this: the furthest friend maybe the closest. the closest maybe the furthest. true or not? i seriously dont know. i was talking to my friend about what happened. for she understands me. i guess you would know who you are. and i figured out. whether you people decides to trust me or take this as a piece of crapped up crap. i still shall state. there is something missing in this friendship. i dont think its trust. for me and her had the trust. she trusted me with her family. i told her. its not money that is the barrier. i doubt its the language we speak. different standards. of 4 out of 5 in the group having a chinese speaking family while me, 1/5 of the group having a english one. chinese, i once was good at. but not now. from primary 1 to 6. i go with english speaking people more often. i neglected my chinese. secondary 1 onwards, i decided to go chinese a little more. i dont blame you for being chinese speaking. in fact i thank you. for helping me to bring up my chinese. i never ever thought that your look down on me. i knew your were kind soulds helping me. but a joke may hurt deeply. if its overly joked about, the deepnest maybe affected. i will be able to face her. but not the other party. the one who i know for 8 years of my life. she said she would make things clear. i hope it will be cleared. i dont want any obstacles between us. its hard to say a sincere sorry. but hereby, i say a sorry to all of you. especially the one i hurt most. its considered backstabbing in a way. i knew. but i just dont know how to put it. and thats why i decided this way. the past is the past. since we both apologised, i hope our friendship will not come to an end.

trust. i do trust you. but the few who understands me through and through, knows what im thinking arent your. there are namely three. the one i mentioned up there, a senior and my brother. there is a minimal trust between us. and from here, i learnt alot. i learnt that having a stable yet comfortable friendship takes every single soul. every one have their own problems. i believe EVERY SINGLE SOUL. but, it seems like we dont know each other's problems. i read someone's blog. if that person who got you irritated is me, i guess, we will have to sort things out yah. as she said. perhaps its the time where we sit down and sort things out. its true. if there's a case of blockage, i guess that we will have to sort things out EVEN MORE. oh well. i just hope you continue reading my posts like you did. i have many things to think about. i told her. i have to juggle with art, music, sports studies and family matters not excluding friends. you think its easy? every one have to go through the phase of suffering. and i guess mine have come. oh well. God bless all and take care loads people. its just a simple line to end off with. asking for forgiveness. true or not, up to you to believe.

7:45 PM

died__