' running a never ending road______

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

i never wanted my results to turn out like that. it is really indeed shocking failing 3 subjects. my results were bad last term. but it is worse and i mean much worse this term. failing three subjects namely chinese, science and geography. it wasnt that shocking for science and goegrpahy, but it is EXTREMELY suprising for me to fail chinese. Chinese, a subject which i used to do very well. it could just drop all the way to 46. 5. the only component i did well was zuo wen. and i thought i could do even better. what wacked me hard was my listening which only scored 6 / 20 and my si han which only scored 7 /20. i wonder what i was thinking of when i did them. i could not believe my eyes. fancy getting single digit number for them? si han and listening is a must-score paper to bring marks up. but look like it pulled mine down. am i going to drop to normal accadamic? i hope not. people who got higher marks then me and even passed were crying. but me? i wasnt. i mean. why cry over spilt milk? i just cant motivate myself. most importantly, i dont believe that she is one of my good friend and went around laughing at me getting such low marks. ok i know that 6 marks for listening is abit too shocking. but do you even think i want that marks? NO OF COURSE I DONT! ok, i know you did rather well. but that is not the way. when i won you in english, did i laugh at you get for getting 9 and 15? no. i did not. it upset me. although its partially about my marks, but i didnt know you were like that. you are happy getting good marks. im happy for you. but you need not laugh. get me?! i know you might not read this, but if you do, pleasee. i maybe le guan getting this kind of marks and yet not crying, but have you ever thought that i dont feel good? you managed to pass al lthe subjects. thus you dont actually know how people like me feel. you people are always saying that your results are bad, bad and bad. but how about me? if your results are bad? whats mine? shit? and you people keep saying expectations are different. how different can it be? yes, i admit i didnt really study hard for this exam. but the pressure is there. i had loads of things to worry. i have loads to cope with. i have loads to do. you people dont. you want to compare yourself with me? lets see who is moer busy.i dont share my worries with you but with people im not close instead. how much do you people even understand me? i dont think its half of those who i tell my troubles but you dont even see me talking to them at all. my family is an english speaking family. expectations for english and literature are high. yes, they are high. higher then yours. what else do you have to say? i do admit that chinese is important but we seldom speak. my mum knows that i can only score well for maths and yet i just passed. all those that i passed was those that i am slightly better at. but they are still not satisfactory. nothing is. sigh. i never wanted my results to be like that. i have to be motivated. but i cant find my motivation. i know its the same to a few others.

well. now about you. ok. i know that you are rather straight forward. but, you know what you say at times is backstabbing? well. i dont know why some people dont like you. and you really do tear alot. pleasee. buck up. guys. they tear, they are loser. girls. they tear, they arent. but be strong kay. =)

cooked my own lunch just now. took 1 hour. marcoroni with cambell soup, peas, hot dog and pork. ITS NICE!! i cooked ALL BY MYSELF! YAY. God bless all. =))

3:40 PM

died__