' running a never ending road______

Sunday, April 16, 2006

it long dawned upon me that my uncle was going to pass away. i didnt know how to react when my mum recieved the call telling us that we need not visit him for he died at 2am this morning. 2am, when i just fell into a deep slumber. i wonder why it didnt occur to me that something bad was going to happen. my immediate reaction was tears flowed down. sigh. i knew the day was going to come. 4 weeks of pain and agony. blewww. it all now is gone away.. to me, as a christian, he has gone away peacefully to be with the lord. there is nothing to be sad of because the lord will take care. but, unfortunately, he isnt a christian. thus, those people around him will feel sad naturally. i know, its nautral to feel sad. but, after near 14 years of living, no one died except my grandfather when i was like 3 years old and my grandmother's sister's husband when i was like 6. now that i have grown, i cant take it as though i know nothing. my mum, shes weak, i know. i cant be weak too. ms tan once told me. if i am weak, my parents are weak, no one will be there to support. i shall be strong. but, i just cant resist the urge to cry. cry for someone who cared so much for me as though we are his grandchildren. every chinese new year, we would spend the second day together and he would always take food for me and my brother to savour. he would stuff sweets into my pocket. i see him just around once a year. not being able to spend much time with him. the last time i saw him was in the hopsital 2 weeks ago. ( wrote a post on that. ) and now, two weeks later, he passed away. i still thought that he would be able to go through this torture and come out fine, he recovered slightly and i was happy for him. unknowingly, he had dengue fever. his fever soon went away. however, on friday night, he had a fever again. not being able to visit him yesterday due to my dad being in malaysia, i thought he could wait for just one more week. he passed on at two this morning. we were not able to see him the last time. not even the last time. thankfully, i saw him two weeks ago. although we may not be close to him, he meant a bit to me. i could see the love instilled in him. all his doing made it even harder for us to swallow. i believe i will miss him. not being able to celebrate any more chinese new year with him. I am young, at a stage in my life where I cannot accept death. I have not learnt to. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with grief. I wonder how his wife will cope. To have the one she loved deeply just depart from her this way, so cruelly, full of cold hard reality. And to me, the thing I will regret the most would be the fact that we never shared the gospel with him. my mum once prayed that as long as he recovered, she would share the gospel with him. unfortunately, it all wasnt in time. sigh.

11:40 AM

died__