' running a never ending road______

Friday, February 03, 2006

yo. oh well.i guess i am quite used to living with you any more. i didnt even know what have happen you what you treasure most - your handphone. thinking that it is still working well and fine, i didnt even bother to give you a call. till i called kester and he told me that hoyur phone battery has been stolen. i saw you online. i talked to you regarding youth. but, you either ignore it or your dad was using. i dont know which is true. i cant trust you much more then i did last time. when i go to orchard, i remember what happened last year duing teacher's day eve. how you treated me so well till the extent of even asking me to go join your group and asking me to stay longer in far east. how you gave me directions for going to far east to just seee your face. you have gotten over her long time back and moved on. but i havent get over you yet. i see you almost every sunday. but i didnt see you last week. if one of us skips church for one time, it is equivent to both of us not seeing each other for two weeks. i am planning to skip secondary 2 camp just to see you for 2 hours or even lesser. yes, anthia is right. you are my past and i should move on. there are many other guys out there in the world like ***** *****. lol. any way. but why cant i just get over you and either stay out of love or go crazy about other guys? i wish i lied to anthia, jolene and friends. if i could get over you, it would be good. just let me know how you treat me or take me as now. i jsut wish to hear your voice. for 1 minute or less each day. to know that you are fine, safe and still living a good life. i just want to know that. if you are happy, so would i be. i cant move on that easily. i guess this love we have develop is greater then even falling for jun kai last time. jun kai one was just one- sided. but i believe that although we werent together, it wasnt one- sided. if its so, i guess that i am just isnt your type and you have been using me. or, lets say, i have been helping you till the extent of getting into trouble myself. can you tell me that love isnt what i think it is? painful all the time. i spend time thinking of every moment we spend together. how wonderful, happy and pleasing we were. cheng zhong told me he has a char bo and i cried. not because of him having a char bo or being jealous or what-so-ever. but, i just felt the sudden weakness in me that i could feel tears dripping down. i dunno why. but i just started to think. think of how we were last time, how wonderful it was to have you always calling me and telling me how stuff were. how i accompanied you through the night when you got chase out even though i had maths test the next day. can you put those behind your head? no, i cant. i really wonder if you can. i dont know. i am confused. really confused. i wish i just could fall for someone. cheng zhong or who ever it maybe and let the past go behind me. i dont want to remember any thing. just give me a head concussion. but, when i get admitted to the hospital, will you come along with the youth to visit me? i hope not. if not i guess i may lose all my memories, but not for what happen in the past year. oh well
i guess i am not falling for him. since i have in memory of the past so much and just cant get over him. anthia, jolene, clara and more people, dont tease me le. especially not the mrs zinc,zinc, zinc cz or whatever that song is. haha. im gonna scold him for making so much noise. early morning want to wake people up. wah kao eh. npcc every time like that de lo. that time saturday morning over there run run run and shout so loud. wh piang ehh. but perhaps, i may not have the chance since i am going visiting tonight. shooot. lol. any way, gonna have to skip semons this coming sunday to prepare two songs for pastor paul, sing out and mighty is the power of the cross. hope pastor paul appreaciate our kindness. oh well.. i guess i better end here. God bless.

2:12 PM

died__