ending road_______' running a never

Monday, October 31, 2005

yo. well today, went to church as usual. had fun week for youth today. so went to marina bay. or rather marina south. took an MRT there with amanda, wan lin, me, rachel tan, hannah, charlene, alex, amos, liang ze, james, joseph, kester, zane, p paul, janet, two benjamins, samuel, joel, kai shan and john. i think thats all bahh. we reached Marina south at 11.45.oh ya. by the way, dunno what happened to wan lin's foot. udnber her toe nail was bleeding. and being an ex red cross member, i told her to pluck it out. and cause we were have lunch. they were likee. ahhh. stop it. its so gross. lols.. i had to say it was.. but. its true. if not the wound will not heal. lols.. okayy. after that had lunch till 1.30 followed by about 30 mintues of worship in the field. sat on ground sheets. after that headed for victoria's bowling alley. then didnt bowl lar.. see people bowl only. didnt want to sprain my hand worser. lols.. i cant bowl. or rather, i can bowl, but i am lousy.. okayy.. then every one bowl normal de. except zane. he is a hooker. bowling hooker lar. dont think too much.. but. he isnt that a good hooker. not to say i am good la. if i compete with him sure win de. cause hooker is one of the hardest to play. play normal. i will lose to him. cause he is stronger then me. and he used to play alot.. so sure lose la.. okaayy. they played two games. some didnt play like me. amanda and alex was strumming the guitars. alex was teaching amanda. well. then some one's face turned black.. i could expect it. sighhh. after that. when we were leaving, two people started arguing. sigh. is arguing the only thing that your can sort your things out? if your are gonna continue like that, i dont know what to say. but at least you told him that that guy likes you. whether your stead or not. its not my problem any more. at least he knows. and will not be too sad. the other time your argued was in the chalet in malaysia. at least all of them were church peeps. but now. its in the public. your were quarelling so badly that i didnt even know what to do. and you would probably say. why didnt you stop us? okay. she may be rather sensitive at times and made it big. but well. give in. you have to ren. ren maybe hard. either or you give her up. HELLO!. public. every one around was watching your. even when i was so far away i could hear your arguing. please la. its the public. okayy. guess thats all. and oie! CHICKEN.. lols.. [ you will get what i mean.=)) ]. sorry didnt go orchard with you peeps. was kinda fustrated over what happened. see la. you lor. hahas. any way. i shall end here le. take care peeps and God bless.

11:49 AM

died__

Sunday, October 30, 2005

yo. okay. i just finished presenting my INNOWits and my group came in third. yeahhh. i was so surprised we did come in. we were like not really prepared with the absence of group members in meetings. well. i am just so happy. CHEERS. okay. presentation went on fine and smoothly except for very slight errors here and there. yeah. today is my school's open house where primary six students come and blah blah blah. watched a little of UG thingy until after BB and GB then go home. well. met quite a number of church peeps there. Alex, joseph, james, jasmine, keegan, pei ying and more.. Alex was coming down the rope. think he is an expert at that.. almost the whole school except secondary 4 is there. except me. i am just sitted down here doing a post. lols. okayy.

went to J8 yesterday with k.kaiwen,melanie, chieh-ling and mei zhen. took some neo prints and guess what met dionne there. met zane there. lols. not really met la. just that i saw him. then he didnt. then he called me. diao. we were like so close to each other but we used the phone. lame.. my handphone bill very ex liao la.. linger around in J8 until 3. and zane left at 2 plus i think. when he called me he wasnt in J8 le. there so boring. school ended at 9.30 by the way. then went home. bathe, change and went to the club to bowl.. lols.. my bowling results are getting better. but due to the sprained i had, i dont think it was that good after all. lols.

well. just heard that you steaded with another guy from church again. well. if you are really doing so, please stop making the other guy wait. i seriously dont know what so good about you that he is still waiting for you. i seldom see him so serious about any thing except relationship. so please free him. and your had to go to harbour front just to escape from him, making him like a fool, waiting for your call and for your answer. is that fair? no. totally not fair. you care about you and your own life but not about him. i just cant comprehend why he is still waiting for your call. but i have to say. if your are really together, please tell him to stop waiting for you. i have no objections or what so ever about the guy you are with now. and i know its not my problem if you do tell him or not. BUT the guy waiting for you is my friend after all. a close one. actually, even the guy you are with now and you yourself is my friend. i just dont know how this all happened. harbour front. holding hands. if he sees this, what do you think he will think? how he have trusted you so much, thinking that you will keep to your word and being a fool time and time again. he didnt want to love you. he didnt want to take your word. he didnt want to leave you. he didnt want to sacrifise his time for you. but. again and again. he loved you without any second thoughts, took your word as thought that you would keep to it, left you cause your parents wanted, sacrifise his time and friends for you even when he didnt have to. he worried for you, called and check on you to check that you are fine and to keep up with you. he took up all the responsibility and the scoldings by your paretns. he suffered so much just for you. what do he get in return? he bought things for you, gave you surprises just to try to make you happy. and well what did you give him? NOTHING. when your were together, he suffered waiting for your call, tying himself to you only, not daring going for another girl. but you? you made him wait. he had to take up that there was a guy asking you to stead and wondering if you would go with him. well. you didnt. but after breaking, you went with another guy. we are all a family. same church. is making him wait the only thing? you are not only tying him down. but you are controlling his life. but. because of you, we are close. i dont care if we are close or not. what i care is just about HIM. get it. i dont think i am that good a girl for him. but. do you think you are? you are rich, so what? money isnt every thing about life. he gets scolding from his parents because of you. you have caused huge pain to him. but. he doesnt mind. he wants to be with you. just because of you. he doesnt care about much things. it really makes me wonder why. what so good about you? i just dont know. dont you wish for him to stop pestering you about the answer? then why not tell him straight that you are with another church guy. he will be sad, down and deep inside him, very hurt and painful. an outer cut can be healed. but an inner one is much harder to cure. or it may even be NEVER cured. but. a shorter pain is better then a longer one.its pain for me to see him like that. he cares alot for you and is serious about you. your parents may reject him. but is it fair to him that your parents dont reject that guy but him instead? whats wrong with him? i just cant comprehend. nothing i guess. except for his mood at times. he treat you so well. but. i dont see you appreciating it. where is your kindness? where is your heart? where is your guilt? and where is your courage? you have the courage to leave him waiting for you and going to stead with another guy but you dont have the courage of telling him you are with another guy. WHAT IS THIS MAN?thought people always say that you are nice, you are kind you are ..... if you have this qualities really instilled in you, WHERE IS YOUR PRIDE? you cant even voice out that you are with him. cheating behind people's back. to think that i have tursted you so much, putting in good words for you. yet, you still had to go steady with another guy, without telling him. if you tell him and go steady, i wont care.but, i know its not my life, i have no right to care. but i thimk for every one as a neutral person. i hope you will consider voicing it out. and if he still decides to wait for you, i cant help it. since tomorrow is fun week, your will be spending much time together. i hope you will just say it out. his pain and sadness, i will bear it for you. trust me. see you tomorrow. take care peeps, God bless. CHEERS.

*living life without your care is painful. waiting for a miricle to happen....

4:27 AM

died__

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

yo. well, didnt go to school today and i am here about to die of boredness. hahas. yup. any way, we are drifting apart real fast. i didnt know what made that happen but it is. from talking every day for hours to talk only some times not even through the phone but through msn. well. i guess its because i dont have my hp with me still. and when i do, we are at the same place so theres no need to even talk to each other using the phone. we dont even talk when we are so close to each other. you was right beside me a few times but, we didnt even talk. i used to talk to you so often that i find us two so close not in terms of relationship but in friendship.i know that my mum have objections of me talking to you, but why care? its my life. i see you online. but i dont even dare talk to you unless you talk to me first. sigh. its going to be a year since we ever start talking to each other so often. the few years age gap between us didnt matter and yet our friendship can just start fading away. you made me happy, you took care of me, you help me in times of troubles, you taught me stuff and more.you respected me and gave me trust and i respected you and gave you trust too. i kept your secrets and bear your sorrows. you gave me love and i gave you love. i dont look down on you like others do. every one has their weak points. for you, its studies. but you are so strong in music and in arts. i tried to make you smile. i did favours for you till the extent of getting into trouble myself. i gave you what you wanted. we have the same thinking at times and its just so ironic that we put down the same song for that game and we are in the same group and we share the same interest. you are one person who have shown me perseverance and i am trying to learn that from you. you are one who is serious at stuff at theres play at times. you are such a fun and joval person to be with and you are a nice person but have more hope in God. he does miricles and be more optimistic and get your mood swing off you. there is such a slim hope that you would come to read this. but i will just have to put it down here.

another person. in your blog, you wrote that someone has changed. i guess its me. well, you have changed too. you didnt use to just leave us like that and we enjoyed the times we had together. i went out of the music shop cause i wanted to talk to anthia. your could continue being inside and we will just wait for your. i have nothing in mind to buy and i had gone to a music shop recently and dig out for all the CDS i wanted. i felt sick there. so i just followed anthia. i just didnt know what happened to you. you have changed. i didnt. i am still as optimistic and as cheerful like what you said. ok. i admit deafeat. the cup thingy is normally 250ml. its my fault k. i was jeust being helpful telling you not to drink so much green tea cause it is alot of sugar. but you just wont listen. i am not trying to insult you or what-so-ever. but come on. its sugar content inside. you know what happens when there is too much sugar content inside? i didnt want to pick up any argument. but you have changed. you really did more then the person above. ther person above i cant blame him because its my fault since i dont have my phone with me or we still will be as close i guess. but you. i see you every school day. i joke with you around so much. i provide you things you need. i didnt know where you have learnt to even go insult people. is that what you are suppose to do?you go to church and they teach you that? no matter who support you in doing so, you are NOT suppose to do that. where are your qualities that has been instilled in you? you used to be so happy, so cheerful, so optimistic. if you dont do well in your maths and science paper, work harder for it. you will succeed one day. trust me. you should work hard. and not give up. i didnt do well for my first maths paper. and i told myself i have to do well. and i presevered through the last paper. why give up so easily? have faith in yourself. you dont even do your homework. how are you even going to pass and get flying colours? you are a clever person. so just study and you will get your marks. i study like siiao, my marks are still not comparable to yours. i still regard you as my good friend and i hope you will do so.

another person. well. i just know this person after may. its just a few months. i dont know what changed has taken in you. but you have changed greatly. why do you even dao me? we were so close that we also talk alot every single day of the holiday. you introduce movies to me while i introuduce songs to you. perhaps i dont know you well enough. i trusted you like i trusted the first person. we have the same points. we are from art club and we are all worshippers of the LORD. when ever i try to make contact between us, your reply is just a few words. i wonder what have changed. i apologised to you thinking that i was the one at fault. but i suddenly realised it was you who changed. i did not changed much. i am still the same ever since i known you. sigh. i just have to pray hard for you.

like the song, wake me up when september ends by green day, " the innocent can never last" every one does changes. but i hope people around me and inculding myself would change for the better. take care peeps and God bless. oh ya. remember to reflect on yourself before reflecting on others. to those people above, if you know who you are, i pray that you will not take it as an insult but a compliment. sorry if my words does hurt you. but its a fact.

*still thinking of you..... dare not drop you a call. if you do read this, please call me right. loving you and thinking of you still.( those who dont know what i am saying, please dont get the wrong idea.)

5:44 AM

died__

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

yo..
yeahh. the exams are over. finally. although i have already been wandering out and not studying since friday, but no more burden.yesterday, went to the vactican art exhibition. well, last day.. so its free. hahas. went with the youth. i suddenly realised that me and her are closer. well, going there was terrible. there was about twenty of us. and 5 squeezzee into char's parents car and 6 squeezzee into uncle's sk car. well, zhe was lucky that he got to sit at the front while me, manda, anna and the two bens squeezee at the back. my leg was aching lor. or rather every one's leg was aching too. but luckily, i wasnt in auntie Janet's van with the other guys or else i might get a sore eye. cause Joel was in that van. but i believe that van will have more humour. well, i find the guys in youth more interesting. seriously. then after the art ehibit, which was very fanstastic, we crowded outside while Zane went "killing" paper girls which was on display. he went to pluck the head and the boday into two. lols.. then we were all laughing. haha. then we went to Mac for lunch. i wanted to sit with te guys but manda and al asked me to sit with them. so i sat with them lor. then when i was buying food, i was the last gurl there with Zane and sam. but we didnt even talk even though he was right beside me. i should have just bought something light, save money and also not so fatening. yeahh. after i finished, me, moses and kai shan left first. yup. then went home and slept at night watch tv and slept at 11 plus cause i couldnt sleep!! today, had chinese exam which was like erm. sucky. dont think i will do well.. then i went home to change while anthia, jolene , andrea and beatrice went to the MRT station to change. then we made our way to ps. yeahh. watch corspe bride. was nice, but then a little too short. have been spending alot since yesterday. about twenty dollars. met charmaine sng brother and his stead in ps. lols..i just dont know why jolene have to leave like that using the excuse that she have to go to the toilet. the last time i went out with her also like that. wah lou. then went ot holy for Red Cross. shaung man. missed red cross damn much. and we had the honour of taking them for games.. kinda boring but educationing for red cross lar.. ahahas.. very fun. yup.. as an ex, its real cool. hehh. the primary threes are interesting. just that their first aid skills need to buck up. i believe they will over the years like me! hahas.. well. i wanna go back more often. BUT have stupid art clubb lar.. sobb.. hahas.. and might be overseas.. its a rahter long post.. nothing much to write le. take care peeps and for those who have their papers or even last paper, all the best! CHEERS.=). God bless.

11:10 AM

died__

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

yo. long time ever since i have posted.. quite busy nowadays. exams are here... today had geography and english paper.. hard man.. although i did study, but it seems like i have forgotten what i had studied.. sighhh.. yeahhh. was released early today due to exams. today is also the N levels examination. so like every one having exam like that.. yeahh.. regarding one of your latest post or shall i say lastest post, when the f*** did i even say hold hands?? and does it means that your dont hold hands in school but will hold hands out of school?? please larrrr. i am innocent though i did tell him stuff. and my eye sight is fine even if i dont wear spectacles. i dont need your GOOD deedd. i dont need an eye check up..i am rich enough to even pay by myself you fool. i can afford other things why cant i bloody afford an eye check up. the school does give any way. and wtf are you talking. dont go around scolding before you even found out what i f***ingly said alright. its no good interefering in others people's life or even talk about other people when you dont know what the bloody shit that person said. so BUZZ OFF YOU FOOL. yea right.. dont add into what i sayy... i just dunno why i care so much. sigh.. i know that i should not interfere with your stuff, but i just happen to see you, and he asks, so what the bloody hell can i do???come up with some f***ing story and say that you are good and whatever shit?? if so, i would be lying. lying is even worse. face the fact. whatever it is. perhaps its really time i should stop talking to him. the last post, he dropped my calls not because he didnt want to answer, but he called my hp but was engaged.. i realised it only on wednesday when i got back my phone cause he msged me. but we are drifting apart from each other. we dont talk every day but almost every day. but the thing is, talk also talk for a while than end le..better than nothing. do me a favour. GET THE F***ing PERSON TO THINK AND ACT AS IF SHE IS AN ANGEL. SHE DOESNT NEED YOUR CARE. get it? gotta go study le.. post again next time. F**KER. God bless every one and all the best for end of year exams. [all the best for your Ns too.]

*life does suck even now.. praying hard for things to be done..

5:20 AM

died__